In this world,
This land of freedom,
Society oppresses,
Hope is dead,
Love is empty
In this world,
This land of opportunity,
The smart are left homeless,
The pretty are famous,
Degrees mean nothing
In this world,
This land of plenty,
Food is left rotting,
When life is left starving,
appreciation is void
In this world.
This world of friends,
Backstabbers rule,
secrets are open,
lonely left broken
In this world,
This fake world,
Media controls us.
Thursday, 18 December 2014
Sunday, 26 October 2014
Wednesday, 24 September 2014
If you could see me now
If you could see me now. After everything we went through, after everything you did to me. After all the darkness and the misery. If you could see how I've changed. How I smile.
The darkness won't always be there, even in the lowest times when you may feel all is lost, it will ease soon. It may be years before it does but it always eases, it won't be easy but keep fighting never give up. You'll lose people along the way but they are meant to be lost. They weren't worth staying.
Once you get through it your life becomes a million times better, you start to see the brightness where it wasn't previously, you see the little things and when the little issues and upsets come up they feel like nothing because you have had worse. So trust me it gets better.
But you need to help yourself, you need to accept you are in shit and get off the floor and help yourself. It wont get better on its own, no matter how much you wish.
The darkness won't always be there, even in the lowest times when you may feel all is lost, it will ease soon. It may be years before it does but it always eases, it won't be easy but keep fighting never give up. You'll lose people along the way but they are meant to be lost. They weren't worth staying.
Once you get through it your life becomes a million times better, you start to see the brightness where it wasn't previously, you see the little things and when the little issues and upsets come up they feel like nothing because you have had worse. So trust me it gets better.
But you need to help yourself, you need to accept you are in shit and get off the floor and help yourself. It wont get better on its own, no matter how much you wish.
Monday, 15 September 2014
Disabilities
I was on a bus today, I chose to sat in the seat labelled ''please offer this seat if a disabled person needs it'' Bearing in mind there 4 other seats labelled this all free a older lady behind me started saying ''that lady shouldn't sit there'' and so on about how I must be a terrible teenager, like all teens.
Firstly I would like to comment how it said ''please offer'', therefore I have every right to use it. If a disabled person had got on and the 4 other seats were full I would have offered. This does not mean I cannot sit there when there is no one needing them.
Secondly, I used to be a competitive gymnast. High level. Then when I was 10 I suffered a back injury that seized up my lower back, leaving me with very limited movement down there and pain in my upper back which has to compensate. I still do recreational gymnastics to attempt to increase my movement in my lower back as well as trampolining and martial arts (All low level at the moment). All sports which increase strength and flexibility which I need. I do not walk with a hunch or a crutch. However daily I get extricating back pains which, despite their slow improvement, still require me to take strong painkillers for. Its not a recognized disability by the government because I try my hardest to get on with life. So when I sit on the first seat on a bus I see, its because of this.
A disability is not always obvious to the eye and with this lady judging me because I am a teenager and because I am younger and therefore ''must be healthier'' I felt like shit. People like her may feel to themselves they are in the right and showing justice but they aren't they do not know my life and for her to judge me this way is a horrible thing to do. If someone got on the bus who was worse than me I would get up, I know how it feels to not be able to sit when you really need to. People like them who blame all teenagers for being the same terrible people, assuming all of us are healthy, are the real issue with the world.
I don't always get this riled up, but sometimes the world is just too fucking naive.
Firstly I would like to comment how it said ''please offer'', therefore I have every right to use it. If a disabled person had got on and the 4 other seats were full I would have offered. This does not mean I cannot sit there when there is no one needing them.
Secondly, I used to be a competitive gymnast. High level. Then when I was 10 I suffered a back injury that seized up my lower back, leaving me with very limited movement down there and pain in my upper back which has to compensate. I still do recreational gymnastics to attempt to increase my movement in my lower back as well as trampolining and martial arts (All low level at the moment). All sports which increase strength and flexibility which I need. I do not walk with a hunch or a crutch. However daily I get extricating back pains which, despite their slow improvement, still require me to take strong painkillers for. Its not a recognized disability by the government because I try my hardest to get on with life. So when I sit on the first seat on a bus I see, its because of this.
A disability is not always obvious to the eye and with this lady judging me because I am a teenager and because I am younger and therefore ''must be healthier'' I felt like shit. People like her may feel to themselves they are in the right and showing justice but they aren't they do not know my life and for her to judge me this way is a horrible thing to do. If someone got on the bus who was worse than me I would get up, I know how it feels to not be able to sit when you really need to. People like them who blame all teenagers for being the same terrible people, assuming all of us are healthy, are the real issue with the world.
I don't always get this riled up, but sometimes the world is just too fucking naive.
Sunday, 14 September 2014
Beauty
I'm not the typical type of beautiful, I don't look stunning to a normal eye. I'm tall, wide shouldered, sure I am skinny but more athletic than model. But I used to look in the mirror and think ''yeh you're okay, you are you''. I've never been chosen for a friends photography model or by a guy to obsess over. It's normally my personality that shines through but its wearing down. Slowly its wearing me down to see beautiful photos of everyone you know, but not being worthy.
The unknown poem
The steps into the unknown are usually the worst ones, but I've never normally been scared of them. The world has usually been kind to me. Yet this weekend will change everything.
Have you ever lean't on someone,
Held someone,
Loved someone,
Have you ever been lean't on by someone,
Held by someone,
Loved by someone,
Have you a bruised soul,
Fixed in a blinding miracle,
Brought you so close,
Now to go so far,
Physically miles apart,
Mentally... who knows,
Who knows what this brings,
Will he stay,
Will he leave,
Will he find another,
Another to lean on,
Another to hold,
Another to love.
Have you ever lean't on someone,
Held someone,
Loved someone,
Have you ever been lean't on by someone,
Held by someone,
Loved by someone,
Have you a bruised soul,
Fixed in a blinding miracle,
Brought you so close,
Now to go so far,
Physically miles apart,
Mentally... who knows,
Who knows what this brings,
Will he stay,
Will he leave,
Will he find another,
Another to lean on,
Another to hold,
Another to love.
Saturday, 13 September 2014
Note
I need to rewrite certain aspects of greed. I hope you don't mind, the previous chapters were lacking in the right information you needed to know and I needed to continue the plot. As it is its going to take too long to get to the 'fun part'. So a desperate re-arrangement is in order.
PRx
PRx
Greed
Chapter Two- Leanne- 2014 - Part 1
''I despise mirrors. All they do is sit there on your wall reminding you that time is running out. They mock every wrinkle and grey hair that appears, they increase every imperfection. As imperfections go though I don't have many. I only own one mirror, the smallest size, perfect for keeping up appearances, but not for pondering for hours on that smudge of make-up you cannot remove.
I despise the ants about as much as I do mirrors. They reflect back as many imperfections as mirrors do, not of my own of course, but of nature. Human nature. They run around in the dirt waiting for their next meal to be fed to them. Begging.
And it is my job to contain them.''
Leanne wasn't used to early morning starts, no matter how much it seemed to her staff that she rarely slept. So when the doorbell rang at barely 7 in the morning, she wasn't exactly up to her smartest work. Unfortunately her luck left her apparently the day before and she was faced with the one person no one wants to see in the morning, scratch that rarely ever. Her brother.
Pacing into the room he spat ''Good morning Leanne''.He never was particularly pleasant even at the best of times. He turned and closed the door. ''Shall we go to your office.'' The sentence hardly out of his mouth before he lead the way to the elevator doors.
Leanne had hardly taken any of it in before she found herself in the lift flying up the floors. Shaking her red hair out of her face, she finally had clear view to study the man next to her. His black belt was loose around his black tailored trousers, his shirt cleaner than usual and the tie was, for once, tied neatly.
''You've got a girlfriend''
''What?''
She almost laughed at the look on his face, gormless as usual, but with more stupidity than normal.
''You're clean, you're never clean''
The lines of his tanned face contorted. Grimacing he turned away slightly, his shoulders blocking her only view of which floor they were on. Anxious to change the subject he spoke once more the handsomeness returning from the previous distaste.
''I believe you know why I am here.''
She looked at him, her dark eyes widening.
''It's time''
It seemed like a millennia before the doors opened again.
''I despise mirrors. All they do is sit there on your wall reminding you that time is running out. They mock every wrinkle and grey hair that appears, they increase every imperfection. As imperfections go though I don't have many. I only own one mirror, the smallest size, perfect for keeping up appearances, but not for pondering for hours on that smudge of make-up you cannot remove.
I despise the ants about as much as I do mirrors. They reflect back as many imperfections as mirrors do, not of my own of course, but of nature. Human nature. They run around in the dirt waiting for their next meal to be fed to them. Begging.
And it is my job to contain them.''
Leanne wasn't used to early morning starts, no matter how much it seemed to her staff that she rarely slept. So when the doorbell rang at barely 7 in the morning, she wasn't exactly up to her smartest work. Unfortunately her luck left her apparently the day before and she was faced with the one person no one wants to see in the morning, scratch that rarely ever. Her brother.
Pacing into the room he spat ''Good morning Leanne''.He never was particularly pleasant even at the best of times. He turned and closed the door. ''Shall we go to your office.'' The sentence hardly out of his mouth before he lead the way to the elevator doors.
Leanne had hardly taken any of it in before she found herself in the lift flying up the floors. Shaking her red hair out of her face, she finally had clear view to study the man next to her. His black belt was loose around his black tailored trousers, his shirt cleaner than usual and the tie was, for once, tied neatly.
''You've got a girlfriend''
''What?''
She almost laughed at the look on his face, gormless as usual, but with more stupidity than normal.
''You're clean, you're never clean''
The lines of his tanned face contorted. Grimacing he turned away slightly, his shoulders blocking her only view of which floor they were on. Anxious to change the subject he spoke once more the handsomeness returning from the previous distaste.
''I believe you know why I am here.''
She looked at him, her dark eyes widening.
''It's time''
It seemed like a millennia before the doors opened again.
A story from a time.
He never was the perfect guy. He was awkward, not quite tall enough. His hair resembled the curls of a bedroom mat.
She was never the perfect girl. She was nerdy, not quite cool enough. Her past resembled the mess of a G.R.R. Martin Book.
For some reason, somehow, their paths crossed. For a few months she sat watching him from across their classroom. Then he moved closer. So she sat and watched him beside her. She spoke to him, she laughed with him, she grew to love him. Then, as the stories always go, she asked him out. Of course this wouldn't be much of a story if he hadn't have said yes.
Then for 9 months they laughed they grew closer and closer. Depended on each other more and more. But already cracks were forming. Fatal cracks. Soon the cracks formed arguments. The arguments formed loneliness. The loneliness formed jealously and there the spiral continued.
Friends began to get involved. They began to form opinions, began to take sides.
The two didn't really notice. Amongst the arguments they continued loving each other. They continued holding each other and finding enjoyment in each other. However they never found enjoyment in each others smiles. Always around the corner was another drama another mistake taken the wrong way.
1 year passed and they were still blind. They spent many days watching films from bed, going to meals and events, and yet the outings were getting less and less frequent.
The friends started leaving, they started pushing her out. They didn't mean it, but he rarely let her see them alone. He called it love.
Then suddenly, within a few moments, it was over.
A flash of a smile in a argument and she found herself thrust against the wall in a flurry of anger.
''Don't you smile at me.''
At first her friends were supportive, they helped her along. Slowly they began to be unable to stand her, she had changed. The smile that had once lit up a room was lost. They assumed it must be guilt. He was still there smiling as ever, going to parties, enjoying life. Of course it must be guilt. She must have started the issues. He never apologized, but he never agreed with these claims either.
He tried to get her back, just as a friend at first but she couldn't she wasn't sane any more. It drove him further into guilt. Then into denial. He started to blame her, blamed her mind games her jealousy. Of course, they believed him. Why wouldn't they? She hadn't talked to them in weeks.
Over years she strengthened up, never falling for the same tricks again, but never truly trusting, never truly able to get close to anyone. She still sees him at college, but she can never look at him for fear of seeing the past. Any word of interaction makes her jump, her wish to be invisible to him broken.
This story has a happy ending though, although I can hardly say if it is truly the end. A soft soul, a gentle mind came across her one day, as she was on the cliff edge of loneliness. Perhaps this soft soul is the Prince Charming of this tale, who knows, but as it is, he saved her from terminal emptiness.
She was never the perfect girl. She was nerdy, not quite cool enough. Her past resembled the mess of a G.R.R. Martin Book.
For some reason, somehow, their paths crossed. For a few months she sat watching him from across their classroom. Then he moved closer. So she sat and watched him beside her. She spoke to him, she laughed with him, she grew to love him. Then, as the stories always go, she asked him out. Of course this wouldn't be much of a story if he hadn't have said yes.
Then for 9 months they laughed they grew closer and closer. Depended on each other more and more. But already cracks were forming. Fatal cracks. Soon the cracks formed arguments. The arguments formed loneliness. The loneliness formed jealously and there the spiral continued.
Friends began to get involved. They began to form opinions, began to take sides.
The two didn't really notice. Amongst the arguments they continued loving each other. They continued holding each other and finding enjoyment in each other. However they never found enjoyment in each others smiles. Always around the corner was another drama another mistake taken the wrong way.
1 year passed and they were still blind. They spent many days watching films from bed, going to meals and events, and yet the outings were getting less and less frequent.
The friends started leaving, they started pushing her out. They didn't mean it, but he rarely let her see them alone. He called it love.
Then suddenly, within a few moments, it was over.
A flash of a smile in a argument and she found herself thrust against the wall in a flurry of anger.
''Don't you smile at me.''
At first her friends were supportive, they helped her along. Slowly they began to be unable to stand her, she had changed. The smile that had once lit up a room was lost. They assumed it must be guilt. He was still there smiling as ever, going to parties, enjoying life. Of course it must be guilt. She must have started the issues. He never apologized, but he never agreed with these claims either.
He tried to get her back, just as a friend at first but she couldn't she wasn't sane any more. It drove him further into guilt. Then into denial. He started to blame her, blamed her mind games her jealousy. Of course, they believed him. Why wouldn't they? She hadn't talked to them in weeks.
Over years she strengthened up, never falling for the same tricks again, but never truly trusting, never truly able to get close to anyone. She still sees him at college, but she can never look at him for fear of seeing the past. Any word of interaction makes her jump, her wish to be invisible to him broken.
This story has a happy ending though, although I can hardly say if it is truly the end. A soft soul, a gentle mind came across her one day, as she was on the cliff edge of loneliness. Perhaps this soft soul is the Prince Charming of this tale, who knows, but as it is, he saved her from terminal emptiness.
We stop fearing the darkness when we learn the real monsters lurk in humanity - Quote Unknown
I still fear the dark, not for the monsters that children believe in, but for the monsters that lurk in my thoughts. The light brings distraction in colour, movement, being, but the darkness allows my other senses to take over. Do you know what's funny? Hearing, smelling, touching, tasting can all be fakes. We use things to trick these almost daily. So in the absence of sight thoughts take over. Not the happy thoughts that come during day time. No. Those thoughts are scared away by the ones we rarely seek. The secrets we hide. The fears. And the thing everyone can sense the ultimate truth. The truth beyond all others. The truth that no one knows. Death.
Except me.
Maybe one day I will no longer fear these things, but part of me knows that when this day comes there will no longer be any shred of humanity in my soul. Perhaps there isn't any left now, maybe that's what I really fear.
See even the insane care. They still have their humanity. They had too much. That's why they are how they are, they cared too much, they cared to the point their brains could no longer take the emotion. Everyone cares.
Except me.
I just fear, I bring fear, I feel fear, I live fear.
I walk the cracks of society. I touch every being. I feel the depth of the truth. It's not my wish, nor my choice, it's a unnatural force propelling me along. It forces the wheel of fortune. Without it nature would fall. No one has seen it in the entire existence of conciousness.
Except me.
Without me corpses would walk and diseases would roam. Living would now be death. Existing would simply be grim.
I am the reaper.
Except me.
Maybe one day I will no longer fear these things, but part of me knows that when this day comes there will no longer be any shred of humanity in my soul. Perhaps there isn't any left now, maybe that's what I really fear.
See even the insane care. They still have their humanity. They had too much. That's why they are how they are, they cared too much, they cared to the point their brains could no longer take the emotion. Everyone cares.
Except me.
I just fear, I bring fear, I feel fear, I live fear.
I walk the cracks of society. I touch every being. I feel the depth of the truth. It's not my wish, nor my choice, it's a unnatural force propelling me along. It forces the wheel of fortune. Without it nature would fall. No one has seen it in the entire existence of conciousness.
Except me.
Without me corpses would walk and diseases would roam. Living would now be death. Existing would simply be grim.
I am the reaper.
Sunday, 6 April 2014
Panty Wasted Demons
Yeh, the name....
Well if you have watched Supernatural you wouldn't be surprised. This show is chaos of pretty much all imaginable forms. You have a angel who kills tonnes of people and locks angels out of heaven, oh and also doesn't understand porn. You have the main two characters which basically have every tragedy happen to them physically possible and are Kenny's you may kill them but the buggers will come straight back. Like all good shows the evil guy is British (not all of us brits are evil, maybe most of us but... not all). Then there is literally everyone in the world is painfully oblivious to demons and angels even though the amount you see should mean pretty much everyone is aware of it.
It was a funny, fun, violent TV show but now it is so dark, so so dark. Other TV shows like Grimm seem to be following it too unfortunately. Why is it I cannot just watch a fun filled show about murdering and blood without it loosing the laughs?
Good show old chap.
Well if you have watched Supernatural you wouldn't be surprised. This show is chaos of pretty much all imaginable forms. You have a angel who kills tonnes of people and locks angels out of heaven, oh and also doesn't understand porn. You have the main two characters which basically have every tragedy happen to them physically possible and are Kenny's you may kill them but the buggers will come straight back. Like all good shows the evil guy is British (not all of us brits are evil, maybe most of us but... not all). Then there is literally everyone in the world is painfully oblivious to demons and angels even though the amount you see should mean pretty much everyone is aware of it.
It was a funny, fun, violent TV show but now it is so dark, so so dark. Other TV shows like Grimm seem to be following it too unfortunately. Why is it I cannot just watch a fun filled show about murdering and blood without it loosing the laughs?
Good show old chap.
Wednesday, 15 January 2014
Haha sorry
Hey Guys,
Sorry its been a little while, Iv had a lot go on since my moan about collogues at my old work place. I started college, I got a job as a Zombie at a wonderful place called Tulleys Shocktober fest and then I spent the rest of the time recovering my health since then. Iv been working on a few plays, some as technical staff lighting and managing. Some as a actor, in fact my new one I get to do a irish accent (be excited ;) ) so yeh life has moved on and im excited for 2014. I will try and post shorts on here but as always sorry if I don't. PEACE OUT.
PRx
Эй, ребята,
жаль, что было в то время, многое произошло с момента моего старого стоном на рабочем месте. Я поступила в колледж. Я получил работу в качестве зомби в прекрасном месте под названием Tulleys Shocktoberfest. Тогда долго восстанавливается мое здоровье после этого. Я работал на нескольких театральных постановках. некоторые, как технического освещения и управления персоналом. некоторыми как актер. На мой новый я получаю сделать ирландский акцент, так что я очень рад! так что да жизнь пошла дальше. принести на 2014 год. Я постараюсь и разместить свои шорты на здесь как можно больше, Простите, если я не. МИР OUT!
PRx
Sorry its been a little while, Iv had a lot go on since my moan about collogues at my old work place. I started college, I got a job as a Zombie at a wonderful place called Tulleys Shocktober fest and then I spent the rest of the time recovering my health since then. Iv been working on a few plays, some as technical staff lighting and managing. Some as a actor, in fact my new one I get to do a irish accent (be excited ;) ) so yeh life has moved on and im excited for 2014. I will try and post shorts on here but as always sorry if I don't. PEACE OUT.
PRx
Эй, ребята,
жаль, что было в то время, многое произошло с момента моего старого стоном на рабочем месте. Я поступила в колледж. Я получил работу в качестве зомби в прекрасном месте под названием Tulleys Shocktoberfest. Тогда долго восстанавливается мое здоровье после этого. Я работал на нескольких театральных постановках. некоторые, как технического освещения и управления персоналом. некоторыми как актер. На мой новый я получаю сделать ирландский акцент, так что я очень рад! так что да жизнь пошла дальше. принести на 2014 год. Я постараюсь и разместить свои шорты на здесь как можно больше, Простите, если я не. МИР OUT!
PRx
This thing
This is a thing, a thing beyond other things, its a thing that many don't understand but that doesn't stop it being what it really is, a thing. This thing is stronger than a million things, but can break in a single moment under pressure from any other thing. Its larger than any thing the world has ever seen, but one rarely ever sees this thing truly in their lives they may believe they have seen it but they really have no idea about this thing. This thing can last a lifetime, or it can destroy you in a second. And the magical thing is, this thing means different things to every different person. This thing can make you feel amazing, this thing can make you feel awful. This thing can cause a person to commit murder. This thing can save a life. This thing is love.
PRx
PRx
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