http://vimeo.com/110034894
Check it out ;) x
Sunday, 26 October 2014
Wednesday, 24 September 2014
If you could see me now
If you could see me now. After everything we went through, after everything you did to me. After all the darkness and the misery. If you could see how I've changed. How I smile.
The darkness won't always be there, even in the lowest times when you may feel all is lost, it will ease soon. It may be years before it does but it always eases, it won't be easy but keep fighting never give up. You'll lose people along the way but they are meant to be lost. They weren't worth staying.
Once you get through it your life becomes a million times better, you start to see the brightness where it wasn't previously, you see the little things and when the little issues and upsets come up they feel like nothing because you have had worse. So trust me it gets better.
But you need to help yourself, you need to accept you are in shit and get off the floor and help yourself. It wont get better on its own, no matter how much you wish.
The darkness won't always be there, even in the lowest times when you may feel all is lost, it will ease soon. It may be years before it does but it always eases, it won't be easy but keep fighting never give up. You'll lose people along the way but they are meant to be lost. They weren't worth staying.
Once you get through it your life becomes a million times better, you start to see the brightness where it wasn't previously, you see the little things and when the little issues and upsets come up they feel like nothing because you have had worse. So trust me it gets better.
But you need to help yourself, you need to accept you are in shit and get off the floor and help yourself. It wont get better on its own, no matter how much you wish.
Monday, 15 September 2014
Disabilities
I was on a bus today, I chose to sat in the seat labelled ''please offer this seat if a disabled person needs it'' Bearing in mind there 4 other seats labelled this all free a older lady behind me started saying ''that lady shouldn't sit there'' and so on about how I must be a terrible teenager, like all teens.
Firstly I would like to comment how it said ''please offer'', therefore I have every right to use it. If a disabled person had got on and the 4 other seats were full I would have offered. This does not mean I cannot sit there when there is no one needing them.
Secondly, I used to be a competitive gymnast. High level. Then when I was 10 I suffered a back injury that seized up my lower back, leaving me with very limited movement down there and pain in my upper back which has to compensate. I still do recreational gymnastics to attempt to increase my movement in my lower back as well as trampolining and martial arts (All low level at the moment). All sports which increase strength and flexibility which I need. I do not walk with a hunch or a crutch. However daily I get extricating back pains which, despite their slow improvement, still require me to take strong painkillers for. Its not a recognized disability by the government because I try my hardest to get on with life. So when I sit on the first seat on a bus I see, its because of this.
A disability is not always obvious to the eye and with this lady judging me because I am a teenager and because I am younger and therefore ''must be healthier'' I felt like shit. People like her may feel to themselves they are in the right and showing justice but they aren't they do not know my life and for her to judge me this way is a horrible thing to do. If someone got on the bus who was worse than me I would get up, I know how it feels to not be able to sit when you really need to. People like them who blame all teenagers for being the same terrible people, assuming all of us are healthy, are the real issue with the world.
I don't always get this riled up, but sometimes the world is just too fucking naive.
Firstly I would like to comment how it said ''please offer'', therefore I have every right to use it. If a disabled person had got on and the 4 other seats were full I would have offered. This does not mean I cannot sit there when there is no one needing them.
Secondly, I used to be a competitive gymnast. High level. Then when I was 10 I suffered a back injury that seized up my lower back, leaving me with very limited movement down there and pain in my upper back which has to compensate. I still do recreational gymnastics to attempt to increase my movement in my lower back as well as trampolining and martial arts (All low level at the moment). All sports which increase strength and flexibility which I need. I do not walk with a hunch or a crutch. However daily I get extricating back pains which, despite their slow improvement, still require me to take strong painkillers for. Its not a recognized disability by the government because I try my hardest to get on with life. So when I sit on the first seat on a bus I see, its because of this.
A disability is not always obvious to the eye and with this lady judging me because I am a teenager and because I am younger and therefore ''must be healthier'' I felt like shit. People like her may feel to themselves they are in the right and showing justice but they aren't they do not know my life and for her to judge me this way is a horrible thing to do. If someone got on the bus who was worse than me I would get up, I know how it feels to not be able to sit when you really need to. People like them who blame all teenagers for being the same terrible people, assuming all of us are healthy, are the real issue with the world.
I don't always get this riled up, but sometimes the world is just too fucking naive.
Sunday, 14 September 2014
Beauty
I'm not the typical type of beautiful, I don't look stunning to a normal eye. I'm tall, wide shouldered, sure I am skinny but more athletic than model. But I used to look in the mirror and think ''yeh you're okay, you are you''. I've never been chosen for a friends photography model or by a guy to obsess over. It's normally my personality that shines through but its wearing down. Slowly its wearing me down to see beautiful photos of everyone you know, but not being worthy.
The unknown poem
The steps into the unknown are usually the worst ones, but I've never normally been scared of them. The world has usually been kind to me. Yet this weekend will change everything.
Have you ever lean't on someone,
Held someone,
Loved someone,
Have you ever been lean't on by someone,
Held by someone,
Loved by someone,
Have you a bruised soul,
Fixed in a blinding miracle,
Brought you so close,
Now to go so far,
Physically miles apart,
Mentally... who knows,
Who knows what this brings,
Will he stay,
Will he leave,
Will he find another,
Another to lean on,
Another to hold,
Another to love.
Have you ever lean't on someone,
Held someone,
Loved someone,
Have you ever been lean't on by someone,
Held by someone,
Loved by someone,
Have you a bruised soul,
Fixed in a blinding miracle,
Brought you so close,
Now to go so far,
Physically miles apart,
Mentally... who knows,
Who knows what this brings,
Will he stay,
Will he leave,
Will he find another,
Another to lean on,
Another to hold,
Another to love.
Saturday, 13 September 2014
Note
I need to rewrite certain aspects of greed. I hope you don't mind, the previous chapters were lacking in the right information you needed to know and I needed to continue the plot. As it is its going to take too long to get to the 'fun part'. So a desperate re-arrangement is in order.
PRx
PRx
Greed
Chapter Two- Leanne- 2014 - Part 1
''I despise mirrors. All they do is sit there on your wall reminding you that time is running out. They mock every wrinkle and grey hair that appears, they increase every imperfection. As imperfections go though I don't have many. I only own one mirror, the smallest size, perfect for keeping up appearances, but not for pondering for hours on that smudge of make-up you cannot remove.
I despise the ants about as much as I do mirrors. They reflect back as many imperfections as mirrors do, not of my own of course, but of nature. Human nature. They run around in the dirt waiting for their next meal to be fed to them. Begging.
And it is my job to contain them.''
Leanne wasn't used to early morning starts, no matter how much it seemed to her staff that she rarely slept. So when the doorbell rang at barely 7 in the morning, she wasn't exactly up to her smartest work. Unfortunately her luck left her apparently the day before and she was faced with the one person no one wants to see in the morning, scratch that rarely ever. Her brother.
Pacing into the room he spat ''Good morning Leanne''.He never was particularly pleasant even at the best of times. He turned and closed the door. ''Shall we go to your office.'' The sentence hardly out of his mouth before he lead the way to the elevator doors.
Leanne had hardly taken any of it in before she found herself in the lift flying up the floors. Shaking her red hair out of her face, she finally had clear view to study the man next to her. His black belt was loose around his black tailored trousers, his shirt cleaner than usual and the tie was, for once, tied neatly.
''You've got a girlfriend''
''What?''
She almost laughed at the look on his face, gormless as usual, but with more stupidity than normal.
''You're clean, you're never clean''
The lines of his tanned face contorted. Grimacing he turned away slightly, his shoulders blocking her only view of which floor they were on. Anxious to change the subject he spoke once more the handsomeness returning from the previous distaste.
''I believe you know why I am here.''
She looked at him, her dark eyes widening.
''It's time''
It seemed like a millennia before the doors opened again.
''I despise mirrors. All they do is sit there on your wall reminding you that time is running out. They mock every wrinkle and grey hair that appears, they increase every imperfection. As imperfections go though I don't have many. I only own one mirror, the smallest size, perfect for keeping up appearances, but not for pondering for hours on that smudge of make-up you cannot remove.
I despise the ants about as much as I do mirrors. They reflect back as many imperfections as mirrors do, not of my own of course, but of nature. Human nature. They run around in the dirt waiting for their next meal to be fed to them. Begging.
And it is my job to contain them.''
Leanne wasn't used to early morning starts, no matter how much it seemed to her staff that she rarely slept. So when the doorbell rang at barely 7 in the morning, she wasn't exactly up to her smartest work. Unfortunately her luck left her apparently the day before and she was faced with the one person no one wants to see in the morning, scratch that rarely ever. Her brother.
Pacing into the room he spat ''Good morning Leanne''.He never was particularly pleasant even at the best of times. He turned and closed the door. ''Shall we go to your office.'' The sentence hardly out of his mouth before he lead the way to the elevator doors.
Leanne had hardly taken any of it in before she found herself in the lift flying up the floors. Shaking her red hair out of her face, she finally had clear view to study the man next to her. His black belt was loose around his black tailored trousers, his shirt cleaner than usual and the tie was, for once, tied neatly.
''You've got a girlfriend''
''What?''
She almost laughed at the look on his face, gormless as usual, but with more stupidity than normal.
''You're clean, you're never clean''
The lines of his tanned face contorted. Grimacing he turned away slightly, his shoulders blocking her only view of which floor they were on. Anxious to change the subject he spoke once more the handsomeness returning from the previous distaste.
''I believe you know why I am here.''
She looked at him, her dark eyes widening.
''It's time''
It seemed like a millennia before the doors opened again.
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